Stuck In The Pattern
The confusion of feelings initiated by the break up between my long time partner and I is the driving force behind this series. After being with the same person for a third of my life, I am left to learn how to function as an individual and redefine my identity. “Stuck in The Pattern” investigates selfhood and an internal battle between memory, intuition, and emotion.
Still reeling in the aftermath of long term gaslighting, I have trouble discerning what is reality versus figments of my imagination. Is memory a reliable source of information? I was stuck in a “pattern” that felt inescapable.
Inspired by Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s The Yellow Wallpaper, where being “stuck in a pattern” is explored literally, my self portraits intend to blur the foreground with the background to express how easily surroundings shape my sense of self. I tend to be uncertain as to what are feelings versus what is actually happening, and if those can overlap. I am the foreground, both in the images and in life, and reality is the background.
Working on the series as I work through the mourning process reveals the nonlinear nature of healing. In some pieces anger is very apparent, while others are romantic, comical or sad. The evident ebb and flow of emotions makes each piece a very authentic portrayal of inner turmoil, all while seeking to find closure and my identity as a woman.